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The Power of Acceptance
The only way to take control of your life, raise your standard of living and move beyond merely surviving is to create your own unique product or service that you offer to increasing numbers of people in exchange for the things of value that you desire. This simple formula applies to countries as well as people. A self-sufficient economy has its own products or services of value to export to the world. Similarly, a self-sufficient individual has something of value to exchange in the global marketplace. That thing of value is based on your natural talent, skill, or interest—in other words, your passion!
Step 3 in the Creative Process
In the previous two weeks’ columns [“The Power of Clarity; Saipan Tribune: July 29, 2010,” “The Power of Visualization: Saipan Tribune August 4, 2010], we spoke about the need to have clear and specific descriptions and images of your goals as the first step in bringing them into reality. We covered the need to visualize (or sensorize) your desired reality as often as possible. This now brings us to Step 3 in the 7-Step Creative process: Acceptance.
Of course, all the steps are critical. However, this step is made particularly important because it is often overlooked by those seeking to change their lives and achieve their dreams. Here’s an exercise to show what I mean.
If you now have your goal clearly on paper, in your mind and sensorized, ask yourself the following question: “What would be the worst thing about having this goal?” or, said another way: “What will you dislike most about having made this choice, once your dream comes true?”
Voice the Objections
In other words, every situation in life comes with good points and bad points. Think about all the undesirable things that might come along with this goal. For example, let’s say you decided that you want to have a million dollars, and your list of “the bad” includes:
1. People will always be asking me to lend them money.
2. I won’t know if women like me for me, or for my money.
3. I will become a target for jealousy, deception and attacks.
Or, as another example, let’s say you want to lose weight to look more attractive, and your list of bad things includes:
1. People will think I’m shallow if I focus on my outer appearance
2. Men will only be attracted to my body, not my mind.
3. I will become a target for jealousy, deception and attacks.
Or, perhaps you want to start a business, but you believe that it’s difficult, that you’re not smart enough, or that you will fail in a public and embarrassing way. Write down as many negatives that you can think of that you might encounter as a result of achieving this goal. The digger you deep, the more of your important fears will be revealed.
The exercise is meant to show that with any goal you aspire to, there are thoughts, beliefs, negative expectations and objections that are playing in our minds during every waking (and sleeping) moment. Therefore, it is necessary to first vocalize, recognize and then transform those beliefs in order to be 100% committed to making your dreams come true. If you don’t take this necessary step, and continue to have those opposing beliefs in your thoughts, you will find yourself sabotaging your own success.
I see this often in my own coaching practice. I notice that the closer some of my clients get to actually achieving the goals we set out to achieve, they start doing things to delay or derail the process. It’s all occurring on a subconscious level, so they often don’t recognize what they are doing. They make bad decisions, miss appointments, misplace files, start arguments, and even develop sickness in their bodies, making what they see as seemingly unrelated decisions that create chaos in their lives and have the ultimate effect of keeping them from their dreams.
To put things in very blunt simplistic terms: you can’t achieve wealth if there’s a part of you that rejects society’s stereotype of the achieving male, and thinks it’s going to make your life difficult. You can’t lose weight, if a part of you rejects society’s stereotype of the attractive woman, and chooses to eat fattening food as an act of rebellion.
The purpose of this step is to get you to think, speak and act in total consistency and congruence with your desired goal. The objective, therefore, is to reframe the limiting and negative beliefs and change them into positive beliefs that are consistent with what you want to create.
Here are a few simple examples of how that reframing might be expressed:
“People will always ask me for money” can be reframed as:
My wealth will empower me to help those whom I choose, and I am also free of the guilt and demands put on me by others. Once I create my own wealth, I can choose to teach others who wish to learn, how to create theirs. This wealth will empower me, not obligate me to others.
“I won’t know if women like me for me, or for my money” can become: “I have many desirable qualities to offer in my relationships. I am confident that my true nature will attract those who are in alignment with those qualities, and that I will be able to recognize those who have similar qualities to complement mine and satisfy my own needs. Those who are simply out to get what they can, will be obvious in their words and actions. My wealth is a part of who I am. The prosperous being I am in thought is reflected in my material prosperity. I cannot hide who I am. Attraction to my prosperity is indirectly an attraction to me.
“People will think I’m shallow if I focus on my outer appearance” can become:
I am here to live, experience and grow spiritually, emotionally as well as physically. I cannot deprive any of these areas of my life. I am a physical being, too. The beautiful being that I am is reflected externally as well as internally. I cannot hide who I am.
“Men will only be attracted to my body, not my mind” can be reframed as:
Attraction is a natural part of being human. Even men who have more to offer my mind, are attracted to beauty. This can only serve to increase my choices, and give me more options to decide with whom to spend my time and share my self.
"I don't know how to run a business" can be reframed as:
If others can do it, I can do it, too. I am open to receiving the wisdom, best strategies and even the people with the necessary talents and expertise to help me achieve my goals.
Create Your Own Reframe
I hope you get the idea. These are very simplistic, blunt examples of how an acceptance reframe might be done, intended--in some cases--to address those thoughts that we often keep out of polite conversation.* Some of your own internal objections and limiting self-concepts might be from ideas and beliefs instilled in you by parents, society, life experience, church or friends, and how you choose to reframe those objections and limiting beliefs is unique to you. However, once you develop the necessary reframes that give you the green light to pursue your goals on whatever levels they are blocking you, and make them part of your self-talk, you will be surprised how quickly your dreams start to manifest!
*Send all comments and criticisms about blatant chauvinism and sexism to Jayvee, the opinions column editor at email@example.com!
Next time: Step 4 in the Creative Process
Inspired by Paul Scheele
Note: Fans and followers of the book, Jamaican on Saipan, may order a copy on jamaicanonsaipan.com.
Note: Ever wanted to direct your friends and family to a set of websites that revealed the best things about Saipan? Do what I do: send them to www.bestofsaipan.com!
Until next week, remember, success is a journey, not a destination!--Walt
Send article suggestions, entrepreneur nominations and feedback about this article to firstname.lastname@example.org. Walt F.J. Goodridge is author of 16 books including Turn Your Passion Into Profit. Walt offers coaching and workshops to help people pursue and profit from their passions. Originally from the island of Jamaica, Walt has grown several successful businesses in the US, and now makes his home here on Saipan. To learn more, visit www.passionprofit.com and follow Walt on Twitter (waltonsaipan)
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Located in the western pacific, a short flight from Guam and 3 hours from Japan, the Commonwealth of the Northern Mariana Islands (CNMI) is a popular tourist destination rich in history, culture and natural resources. Saipan, just 5 miles wide by 12 miles long, is the largest and most populated of the 14 islands making up an archipelago that stretches 400 miles (north to south) along the edge of the Marianas Trench.
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